carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
