somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
