dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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