The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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