all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
