Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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