and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
