i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
