a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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