My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I want a musical about memes.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
