also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I need water and some morals
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
