i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
