he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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