I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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