Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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