I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
