Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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