Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.