He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...