it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
