I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
