You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
