You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
