I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
