I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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