Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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