I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Maybe he injected his testicle?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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