So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
