Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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