It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
