Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
