If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
