all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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