those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
