So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
