He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We are two peas in an std pod
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.