my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle