I'm fucking your sister right now.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
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She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
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There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.