Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
