During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
