dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
