Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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