You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We named our party play list daddy issues
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
