At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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