This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
