yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
