Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
