would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I wish there were birth control emojis
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
