Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
