You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
