I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
