I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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