the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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