Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
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