respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
