I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
