The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
vagina is talking i cant
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
