im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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