In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
