Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
