Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
