dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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