I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
