She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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