Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
