the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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