i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
