she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
