i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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