Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
