does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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