then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
