Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
