I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
