Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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