so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
tell me about the fingering
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