Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
