I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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