I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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