My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
