I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
