i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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