He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize