C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
