I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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