life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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