This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
