Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
then he tried to convert me to islam
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
