the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
