last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
