you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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