I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
