Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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