my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you didnt know i had herpes?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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