and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
