my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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