I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
